Walk of Shame. In a state park.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
