Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
