Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
