wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
