pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
