Best friends brother. Beat that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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