Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
