Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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