I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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