Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
