your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
