this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
