I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
