I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize