Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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