Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
