I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
