I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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