My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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