woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
