Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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