The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize