worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
