wat bout pragnant strippers??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
