I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize