You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
