so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pop tarts are not kleenex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
