tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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