I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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