If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize