You're my little dorito
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
