I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
