4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
