I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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