Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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