So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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