i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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