i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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