So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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