when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
