YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My liver just had a heart attack.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
