She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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