but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
