I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize