he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
