Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
