On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
