Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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