what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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