drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
