I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
