if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
