Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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