There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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