Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
