dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
