She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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