I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
