I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
