can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
