I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
did i just pee glitter
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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