this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
