He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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