Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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