we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
