Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So. Much. Porn.
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