Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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