How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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