I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
