WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
