but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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