I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
