Just fell off a train. Bad.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
