so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
