Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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