The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
