Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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