An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
