Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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