After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
