Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
