we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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