I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
