I want to have your abortion
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
