my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
