If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
