Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
