things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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