it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
