So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
