But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
