I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
