It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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