You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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