Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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