I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We left the knife in your bed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
