i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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