I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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